The New Year and How to Approach It

Original text was published in Czech magazine Psychologie Dnes 1/25. Translation by AI.

Another 365 days filled with joy and sorrow lie ahead. Elaborate plans may soon fall apart, but we can still have a good time. How can we work with our internal roles of Child and Parent, and live as an Adult?

Every year it’s the same. The magical countdown before midnight, the second that marks the change of the calendar year, and that peculiar feeling in your stomach... I was born just a few days after New Year’s Eve, so this time of reflection is twofold for me—I’m stepping into both a shared new year and my personal one. These days are filled with quiet contemplation of the past and thoughts about what’s to come. What helps me in this process is the framework of transactional analysis by Eric Berne, known as the Parent–Adult–Child model.

Who Makes Decisions in Us?

According to transactional analysis, we all carry three parts of the personality within us:

• The Child is our emotional side, responding to the world with spontaneity, pleasure, or discomfort.

• The Parent represents the value system we inherited from our caregivers. We often hear its voice as inner commands or criticism: “You should…” or “You won’t manage.”

• The Adult is the mature part that integrates the rationality of the Parent and the spontaneity of the Child. It can calm a distressed Child and act in line with values.

Unfortunately, many families fail to raise a self-sufficient Adult. People get stuck in the child phase or prematurely solidify in the parental role because their caregivers didn’t do a good job. There are many reasons for this, and dwelling on who’s to blame is often pointless. Traumas and negative behavior patterns can persist in families for generations. Therapy, however, is a great tool for finishing, re-educating, or even independently developing the Adult. How can we try out this approach in practice?

The State of the World: Adaptation and Preparedness

Climate crisis, wars, the unchecked rise of AI—three issues that can cause significant fear because they’re beyond our control. If we fully gave in to our emotions, we’d be, in Berne’s terms, in the Child mode. The Child’s reaction may lead to denial: “The war doesn’t exist,” “Everything is a conspiracy,” “AI will never replace humans.” It can also lead to trivialization: “It won’t be that bad,” “They wouldn’t dare.” However, even an overly “informed” parental reaction can be extreme: “Global warming doesn’t exist” or “We mustn’t supply weapons because we want peace!”

A more mature way to deal with fear is through the Adult’s response. We strengthen the role of the Adult by focusing on concrete actions and verified information. This helps us balance the Parent’s exaggerated worries and the Child’s anxiety. In such situations, adaptation is often the best course of action.

A practical tool could be, for example, a Swedish booklet on how to prepare for emergencies like war. It garnered media attention, but it’s not the only educational material available—Brno City Hall has an excellent guide on this topic in Czech!

Reading about how to maintain hygiene without running water or how to survive a radiation accident may provoke anxiety. After all, “unimaginable” events suddenly gain a tangible form in these guides. However, by increasing our awareness, we enhance our competence to overcome difficult situations, which gives us confidence and calm.

Questions to Reflect On:

• What role does world news evoke in me?

• How do I adapt?

• Am I comfortable with it?

The State of the Czech Republic: Engagement and Community

While global challenges often call for adaptation, local issues frequently demand active involvement. As I walk through my hometown of Prague, I gratefully discover new little corners that connect me to the intertwined fates of past generations. However, I also encounter places where cars block my path, where I have to wade through mud due to construction, where I get frustrated like a child and fume over human foolishness. In such situations, adaptation doesn’t feel right to me.

As I grow older, I find political thinking more appealing. The Adult in me seeks practical ways to contribute each new year and recognizes where it makes sense to invest energy. I understand that I am part of a polis in the sense of a civic society, a community, a way of living together. When I see something that can be changed—and I can help—I try to do so. I have realized that no one else will do it for me.

That’s why I engage in the field closest to my heart—I connect psychotherapists into active networks, publish, and process data that can be used by the public. I take care to ensure that psychotherapy is seen, heard, and, above all, helpful.

Questions to Reflect On:

• How do I contribute to the community I live in?

• How do I belong to my environment?

• How do I feel among people in my surroundings?

The State of the Soul: Self-Confidence and Resilience

Even in our personal lives, we can switch between the roles of Parent, Adult, and Child. Decision-making and taking responsibility are typical of the Adult. As a Child, we can allow ourselves to be cared for; as a Parent, we set conditions and boundaries. Sometimes, however, it’s difficult to choose the right role for a given situation.

For me, illnesses have always been challenging. As a child, I discovered that illness was a useful tool to avoid tests or other unpleasant events. Repeatedly, I would fall ill before various events I didn’t want to attend but couldn’t communicate that clearly.

It was only during my own therapy that I realized that “falling into illness” was a functional but inappropriate way for me to avoid confrontation. I had to teach my Adult new ways to address my needs in time and stop protesting through illness.

In the coming year, I plan to continue strengthening my Adult. From the position of my Parent, I can confirm that it still has room for improvement and occasionally needs support. I have found that using fitness trackers has been very helpful; they maintain my training schedule and know me better than I know myself. They motivate me when I don’t feel like doing something but also hold me back when I tend to ignore my fatigue and overdo things.

Questions to Reflect On:

• What values are important to me?

• What values am I currently living?

• How far am I from my ideals?

• Can my actions bring me closer to my values?

New Year’s Resolutions

From the perspective of Berne’s theory, New Year’s resolutions can be seen as an attempt by the Adult to resist the temptations of the Child, who constantly seeks pleasure and immediate gratification. Every conscious decision to resist temptation (e.g., avoiding sweets or endless scrolling on social media) can be considered an Adult choice. By doing so, we strengthen our ability to act in line with our long-term goals and values instead of being carried away by momentary emotions. We become more resilient.

However, it’s crucial that these resolutions don’t become tools of excessive control or harshness. Too much rationalization and criticism can also be harmful. Preaching what’s right and wrong, giving unsolicited advice, or looking down on others are signs of a dominant Parent lacking empathy and flexibility. Even this Parent should be reined in to allow room for balance and understanding.

That’s why it’s worth formulating resolutions in a way that engages all three parts of the personality:

• The Child brings joy and spontaneity: Resolutions should include something pleasant that makes us happy.

• The Parent helps define rules: It sets the framework but doesn’t overly restrict.

• The Adult seeks balance: It evaluates what’s realistic and what we truly need.